My attempt at writing a poem in Hinglish. Hinglish is a combination of Hindi and English.

I want to be khush and bindaas
But to my sorrow
Bahut saare log, waatulah lagateh hain
To my plans
With their seriousness and strict vigilante

Neighbours are nosy, everyone knows
They criticize and censor, who comes and who goes
My neighbours are khadoos old ladies,
With snow-white hair
But zubaans that are as sharp as the claws of a big bear
They grumble and mumble and karti hain jeena haram
If I break their unwritten rules, even one little gram.
“Don’t bang the darwaza when you enter and leave”
Hum nahin lenge your letters, that the courier delivers, we get peeved”
“Tumhari party has disturbed us so,”
“We will complain to the police and hope they fine you and go.”
“TV ki awaaz is too loud, don’t let your kutta bark and run about”
“Don’t bother us to borrow the paper”
“Don’t party or collect too many visitors, it is improper”
“Don’t leave the kachra dabba outside the door”
“Don’t dress up as though you’re in an unscrupulous fashion show”
“Don’t chabao chewing gum har dum, gai lagti ho
“Don’t strew seeds and encourage kabootars to roost on our floor”
“Don’t shift the furniture so often it offends our ears”
Diwaare bahut patli hain, we get disturbed dear”
“Don’t let a sutaar or plumber bang so loudly,
Jab bhi ho tumhara repair ka kaam
“Don’t post challoo things on your Facebook account,
Bhulooh mat – Hum hain khandani neighbourhood.”

My serious neighbours
My serious neighbours

The next serious dhongee is the chaprasi of our society
Always expecting bhaksheesh and never happy.
Tumhara dog, lift mein not allowed”
(So am I supposed to climb 9 floors with my pet?)
Memsaab late mat aya karo, humari neend kharab hoti hain
(So should I adjust to the watchman’s convenience?)

The serious watchman
The serious watchman

To add more masala, to my already teekha serious routine,
The BEST bus conductor chabaos my dimaag.
Agey bhadoh
Chuttah de doh
(Expecting me to squeeze forward
between two rows of hatthe-khatte naojawan)

At office, my boss is a nitpicker,
As serious and boring as any officer.

My serious boss
My serious boss

For no kaaran at all, he accuses me of being careless.
Dimaag chaat kar, choti-choti baatoh pe karta hain pareshan
Even when I do my best and expect to be blessed

Waiting to be blessed
Waiting to be blessed

With a promotion or a junket to a foreign shore
Or at least a small cabin on a higher floor
“Rewrite this article”
“Redo that interview”
“Complete the 10 stories,
Don’t look at the ghadee,
Nahin toh
you will have no naukri”
“Your lunch break is too long,
Don’t loiter at the paani puri stall”
“Wear dhang-ke-kapde and come to office
Formals only, no jeans or flip-flops
Itne daagine not allowed
Baal kyon rangey, this is not a modelling workshop
Look saada and hardworking, samji kya tum.”

When I go to the market, the bhaajiwala is so serious
“Madam choose mat karo, itni doctori nahin chalengi
Sab tamatar acche hain.”
“Madam tarazoo barabar hain, itna mat socho”
“Madam plastic thaillee nahin allowed –
Tumhara bag bharoo
“Madam, bargaining nahin chalegi
Meri bhaaji top-class hain.”

The serious bhaajiwalla
The serious bhaajiwalla

The last straw that pulls me down
Is my mom with her serious dressing down
“You are late from work, it’s past zero hours-
Log kya kahenge?”
“You are eating junk and putting on weight-
Log kya kahenge?”
“Who dropped you home, last night?
Khandaan ki naakh rakho please.
Log kya kahenge?”
“Settle down and shaadi karlo
I am worried 24 hours about your safety-
With so many rapes happening around, beti
Itna
confusion.”
“You talk on the mobile, non-stop,
3G money you are spending a lot,
Log kya kahenge?”

Serious mom
Serious mom

I took out my magic lamp,
And rubbed it hard
I asked the genie
For some seriousness todneka baat.
He gave me a big box of the new Cadbury five star (https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star)

The genie with the magic bar
The genie with the magic bar

Baajuwalliko bahut pasand ayi five star,
Now she peeps from his khidki and waves baar, baar.
Watchman bhi ho gaya latooh, five star ki nayi mulayam bar se
The BEST conductor was so pleased to get the tasty five star treat,
He smiles every time I enter the bus and retreat.
My boss has his sweet tooth fulfilled,
When I gave him the five star, he chilled.
The bhaajiwalah was so khush with the new five star gift,
He lets me choose the vegetables and he is not so chingoos,
While doing the vajan lift.
Mom can’t talk and criticise, she is not so hyper now,
I just pop a piece of five star goodness in her mouth,
And let her suck on the mulayam tukda.

Boodho ko bhaye,
Bachcho ke dil ko lubhaye,
Nayee five star har seriousness ko bhagaye.

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